So, it was a rainy weekday afternoon. And I was listening to Wham! - Careless whisper - yeah, one of the greatest love songs ever :) And all I could think of was - where did those days go?
Little responsibility, loads of household work, but no stress, no crushing burden of debt. I studied, listened to music, watched TV and slept deep deep sleep. Never felt anxious, never fought battles in my head, never had one way conversations - alone, I used to be.
But, happy.
Satisfied, in whatever little I had. But, the past is the past. We can’t live there. We have to be in the now. The present. Apparently - it’s a gift. Is it ? Nah. It just is - the now. Not a present - never a present. At least, not for me. Even on a day of holiday - with nothing to do - with no chores - even with isolation - it is just - the now.
One relentless day after another. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Because - it’s what needs to be done. Life has become a drag - it just needs to be .. to be.. to be .. to be done. It’s like a chore - a ‘to do’.
Did I ever imagine life like that? No. I mean, I never imagined - castles and parks and ice creams and all fun and frolic etc etc. But still - not this. I remember the cold nights, the harsh days - looking up at steel and mirror buildings - thinking, what must it be like to work in an AC office. I may have that - but I lost my peace of mind. What fault of mine ? I mean - what did I do to deserve this? Or to whom did I do wrong ? I have always always been fair to everyone. Never wished harm, nor ill will. Always always tried to do the correct thing. Never wished more than my fair share. Worked hard. Did my best. In anything I ever tried. Complained very little, if at all.
But - now - I have realised - It is what it is.
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